Drowning Slowly
by livingdeadgirl
Summary: Stephanie McMahon is sexual assualted and left for dead, Shawn Michaels finds her and tries to help her piece her life back together. Serious subject, serious story. Be warned!
1. Chapter 1: Rain

Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 1: Rain

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them.

Author's Note: This is a very serious fan fiction dealing with some very dark themes. Therefore I have placed several warnings. Some are my normal warnings and others deal with the subject matter I am writing about. 

I was inspired to write this story by Temptation Eyes' "Do Unto Others' and Kittie Kittie Kittie's "Somewhere Out There" (two great stories I would recommend to anyone). Now granted, both of those stories are slash and feature Adam/Jeff whereas this story is in my normal Shawn/Stephanie theme but both stories took serous subjects and dealt with them in an impressive way, showing off how good both authors are. 

It inspired me to try a dark subject and see what I could come up with. That all said, here are the warnings-

This is a fan fiction based on _characters_ from the WWE. This story does not represent the real Stephanie McMahon or Shawn Michaels, etc. It is based on their fictional characters not the actual people themselves. I am fully aware Shawn Michaels is married and that it has even been announced on the show that he has a wife and child. However, seeing as this is fiction, I am pretending he does not. This takes place after Shawn first emerged from his chair, before the casket match and before the (in my opinion) icky kiss between Stephanie and Bischoff which I am going to try and forget. This is not a story to be taken lightly; it has some very tense/disturbing scenes and deals with the subject of rape. If you can't take abuse and violence in a story, or a story with the mistreating of your favorite wrestler, then maybe you shouldn't read this. 

------------------------------

__

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

-----------------------------

Shawn Michaels stuffed a few more items into his gym bag. He raised his head now and then, watching as his fellow superstars left. They had just concluded a grueling House Show. Thousands of crazed fans screaming and running around, wanting autographs, asking questions. Shawn had only recently emerged from his wheelchair and already found himself thrust into the dizzying world of his work. 

His hand actually throbbed from so many signings. Others may have grumbled in annoyance but honestly Shawn was glad to have so many fans. He hadn't even done a thing in the ring since Summerslam and the fans were still behind him one hundred percent. It felt as if he was still on top, as if things had never changed. It reminded him of his time with DX, he'd been outrageously popular then but now he was doing it all on his own. Without Chyna. Without Hunter.

When Hunter's name came into his head, Shawn scowled. Every open second he had he thought about Hunter. Thought about the physical therapy he had had to go through thanks to that sledgehammer to the back from his 'best friend'. Shawn had even seen Hunter tonight, had felt that angry fire burn through him. Still, he avoided Triple H, biding his time. He would deal with him when he had too. For now he was concentrating on healing completely and doing the normal guest spot, a little treat for his fans.

He finished loading his bag and turned to a man walking by. The man wore a blue shirt with the words 'Smackdown Staff', embroidered on his chest pocket and seemed to be headed towards the exit. Shawn reached out and tapped his shoulder, "Excuse me."

"Yes?"

"Has everyone left all ready?"

"Yes sir, Mr. Michaels. I know all the Smackdown superstars have left the building as well as Ms. McMahon, now as for RAW's superstars and Mr. Bischoff I don't really..."

"That's all right, look, I really just wanted to know if it was still raining outside."

"Oh, yes sir, it is. Terribly cold too. I'd advise taking a coat."

"Thank you." Shawn muttered, returning his attention to the gym bag, the zipper caught. He fiddled with it and thought about the rain outside. The day had been gloomy in general and he imagined it had only gotten worse. This particular House Show had been held in Seattle where rain was not uncommon. Both the RAW and Smackdown superstars had been on hand because Vince had thought it would be a good idea to have all the superstars present considering the next pay-per-view was not that far away.

'It will boost commercial and fan interest', or at least that was what the memo that Vince had sent out had read. When he'd received the memo, Shawn had been surprised he had been invited at all but Bischoff had assured him that there had been no mistake.

"You're an important player in this team, Shawn. MY team." Bischoff had told him, doing his best to butter him up. Shawn probably wouldn't have attended save for his dedication to his fans and the fact he had wanted to show off to Hunter how much better he was getting. Sort of a warning of what was to come. He wanted to make Hunter sweat.

Shawn fixed the zipper on his gym bag and tugged on his large, bulky leather jacket. As he walked through the coliseum he could hear his footsteps echo. It was funny to be the last one leaving. He expected at least one other person to be straggling behind but apparently not. He opened the door to the exit and let out a groan as he watched the rainfall. It was coming down in sheets, the wind blowing softly behind it.

It was bitingly cold as he tugged the collar of his jacket up around his ears before stepping out. He didn't have an umbrella so he had to walk through the downpour, soaking himself. The raindrops tumbled down on his head as cold as ice. A few lampposts glowed down, creating an almost artificial moonlight but otherwise it was pitch black out. Only a few cars littered the parking lot. No one seemed to be out, making him feel as if he was the only person in the world. 

He marched determinedly to his car, his eyes casting from side to side now and then taking in the scenery absently when he noticed an odd shape to his far right. It was hard to see, a dark jumble towards the far corner of the parking lot. Shawn stopped and strained his eyes. He tried to tell himself it was just a big collection of leaves or some other refuse but he knew it wasn't, it was too big. It looked like...a person? A body? Whatever it was, it lay next to the gutter, motionless. 

Shawn shook his head, telling himself to stop being so foolish but it was impossible. His eyes kept casting off to the side. He suddenly stopped and cursed, muttering under his breath, "Fine, Shawn! Just go and see that it's nothing so you'll stop obsessing."

Shawn turned and started to walk towards the gutter, wanting to know what he had seen. As he went he continued to rant at himself aloud, "Here you are, walking through the rain. The _cold_ rain, getting absolutely soaked just so you can see that it's a big pile of nothing in the gutter. Just because you and you're over active imagination have cooked it up to be something bigger than it is, that it's..."

As Shawn got closer his vision became better. He started to make out what he had seen from so far away. He froze, his voice disappearing into the air as his eyes widened, his veins gripped tight. 

It was a body.

A human body.

In the gutter.

Shawn swallowed, his hands clenched into fists as he cautiously walked closer. He could make out a finely sculpted leg. A woman's leg. Then he could make out a mat of brown hair. 

"Oh Jesus," he breathed, "Please, don't..."

At last he was standing over top of the woman, his body felt drained, his heart had stopped beating long ago as cold fear gripped his entire system.

Stephanie McMahon.

She lay in a fetal position, her blue eyes wide open, her skin deathly pale. And her clothes...dear god...her clothes were torn. There were dark bluish black marks forming on her skin, scraps that had drawn blood had turned a sickly white, the rain washing away all the blood. The marks were everywhere, tattooed all over. He turned his head when his eyes reached her thighs. He could see thumb prints gouged in, bite marks circling...

He closed his eyes before forcing himself to turn back to her. Her eyes were so wide and large. It looked as if they had been glued open. Her mouth was a thin line, her fingers curled as she stared off into space. Her skin was so pale that she looked as if she were dead. It was hard to tell that she was even breathing.

Shawn quickly bent down, "Stephanie? Stephanie, can you hear me? Are you all right?"

He winced at the sound of his voice, the hysteria obvious. Stephanie didn't answer, didn't move, didn't even blink. It was as if she was frozen in place. Completely solid and stiff. The rain poured over her, the foul smelling gutter water mixing in with her hair. He leaned closer, pressing a hand to her neck. Her pulse was there but it was terribly weak.

Shawn cursed again and stripped off his jacket. He wrapped it around her and bent down, picking her up in his arms. She didn't even seem to register the act, it was as if she was a lifeless doll. He held her close as he strode towards his car as quickly as he could. Thousands of thoughts and words tumbled through his mind as he carried her.

Dear god, why him? Why her? Why this! Shawn wanted to wake up. He wanted all of this to be a dream but the cold, piercing rain kept him awake, showed the truth. This was reality. This was happening. He could feel Stephanie's weight in his hands. Felt her head loll about his chest as he walked.

He reached his car and gently tried to set her down. She seemed incapable of standing on her feet so he finally had to resort on setting her on the ground again. He unlocked her door first, helping her into the passenger seat, then went to the driver's side to let himself in. Once they were inside the car he started the engine and cranked up the defrost, shivering all over. He was soaked but not as badly as she was. Her body was drenched, her lips a light violet. Her eyes were still wide open, her lips still a tight line. It was almost as if Shawn hadn't moved her. Her skin was still pale. His jacket hid her shredded clothes as well as some of the cuts and bruises.

Shawn swallowed and spoke into the thick silence, "Stephanie, honey, what happened?"

She didn't answer.

Shawn reached over and took her chin in his hand softly, turning her head so he could look into her eyes, repeating, "Stephanie, honey, what happened?"

She still didn't answer but she finally rewarded him with some movement, proving she was indeed still alive. She blinked and pulled away from him, her eyes directed out in front of her as if she was seeing something he could not. Shawn looked forward as well and shook his head. He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes. He had seen the cuts, the bruises, her clothes-it was obvious what had happened. And the look on her face...it had broke his heart.

He let out a shaky sigh and gripped the wheel. It was obvious where he had to go now as he pulled into drive. It was lucky he knew the area well as he headed to the nearest hospital. He didn't attempt to talk to Stephanie again, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. She was in the deepest state of shock, possibly catatonic. How could she not be after what had happened?

His thoughts were still a chaotic jumble. So much had happened in the past few minutes it was hard to even begin to comprehend it all. He couldn't even begin to think of the first thing to do in a situation like this. The hospital was a good start but what after that? Call the police? Call Vince McMahon?

He didn't know, he had no idea. He had never had to deal with something like this, something so big and earth shattering. He had a million worries rushing thorough him-what if the cold had given her hypothermia, what if she went into seizures, what if she had contracted AIDS or gotten pregnant or...

He shook his head and tried his best to calm down. He had to keep his wits about him, at least for her sake. She was obviously lost. If he hadn't found her...

He swallowed thickly as that thought struck him. If some twist of fate hadn't pushed him to go investigate a stupid feeling he had had she would probably be dead. She could still die for all he knew. He had to hurry and get to the fucking hospital! He had no idea how to take care of her if she had hypothermia and he had less of an idea how to deal with her after she had been...raped.

The mere word made his throat squeeze up tightly. He and Stephanie had never been close but the thought of someone having done this to her, the thought of what she had gone through practically broke him. A man prided himself on being strong but when it came to something like this it was hard not to be reduced back to a childlike state where every little thing makes you burst into tears.

He ran a hand through his hair, and muttered a few more colorful curse words under his breath. He kept an eye out for cop cars, knowing that he was going far above the speed limit. He drove until he could finally see the fluorescent lights of the hospital. He practically let out a sigh of relief at the sight.

As he drove up Stephanie began to move in her seat. If it was possible, her eyes got wider as suddenly she began to shake her head vehemently. Her whole body shook as she began to cry out, getting louder and louder with each cry, "No! No! No! NO!"

She tossed about in the passenger seat, repeating the simple word over and over. Shawn pulled to a stop and turned to her, trying to calm her down, "Stephanie, what's the matter? What's wrong? What are you-"

His words were drowned out by her screams as she began to frantically jab her finger at the building, still shaking her head. Shawn looked at the hospital and leaned back his seat, beginning to understand. He felt a grave weight on his shoulder. He knew she had to go to the hospital but at the same token he didn't want to force her. She had had enough forced on her tonight.

He turned to her again and pulled her close, running a hand along her tangled hair. He gently lowered her arm, closing up her jabbing finger as he took her hand in his, "You don't want to go to the hospital?"

Stephanie looked at him momentarily then lowered her head as if she was ashamed. She nodded her head. He pulled away, lightly patting her arm, "Okay."

He didn't think this was a good idea but he didn't tell her that. She had had her force of will taken away from her this evening, she needed to be able to make decisions on her own if she was going to get any kind of normalcy. He spoke softly, "Where do you want to go?"

She didn't answer, melting back into her catatonic-like state. Shawn merely nodded and thought deeply. He didn't know where she was staying and he couldn't think of anyone else he could take her to. Not to mention she may not want anyone else to know just yet. He had found her by technicality. If she had been able to pull herself together and had left the gutter, he probably would have never known about this at all. Still, there was no point in think about 'ifs'. She needed somewhere to go and he could only think of one place.

He turned to her again, "Stephanie, I'm going to take you back to my motel room. Okay? I promise you'll be safe there. I'll take care of you, okay?"

Once again she didn't answer but she didn't start tumbling into a set of 'no's' either so Shawn took that as permission. He drove away from the hospital and headed towards the motel, his world still spinning.


	2. Chapter 2: Clean

Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 2: Clean

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them.

------------------------------

__

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

------------------------------

Shawn unlocked the door to his motel room, then bent down to pick up Stephanie. She was still too limp too walk. Her whole body seemed drained of life and energy. He brought her over to his bed and laid her down on top of it. He went back to the door and shut it, sealing them inside his room. The door seemed to click shut with a sound of finality to it.

He rested his forehead against the door a moment or two before turning back to Stephanie. She hadn't moved an inch. He walked over and stripped the blanket from the bed as best he could, wrapping it around her shoulders. He held her shoulders in his hands softly, making sure that her eyes met his, "Stephanie, I have to go out for a few minutes. I'll be back as soon as I can. While I'm gone you can do whatever you want, understand?"

She was still mute but he imagined that she had gotten the message. As soon as he released her she fell back on the bed. It was almost like watching a leaf burn. Her body, which started off flat, began to curl into itself as she lay, once again resuming the fetal position she had had when she was laying in the gutter. Her eyes finally shut, squeezed tightly as she let out one heavy, solid breath. 

Shawn didn't know whether to be encouraged by the movement or worried about it as he headed out of the motel room. He couldn't think while he was looking at her and he knew he needed to think. The motel where he was staying was rather cheap, but then he was only supposed to be in town for a few days. It was styled so that once you exited your room you were outside so of course the moment he stepped out the cold hit him like a fist. It was still raining in icy sheets, which made him shake just looking at it. 

He stood there, absorbing the cold as he tried to think of what to do. He eventually decided to go and get her and himself some food. Perhaps after they ate she would loosen up and begin to talk. He came to the conclusion that in essence, there was nothing he could do. This had to all be up to Stephanie. She had to tell him what to do next. He didn't care what it was either. Whatever she wanted, he would do.

With that in mind he headed off to find some fast food, wanting to hurry back. He didn't think it was wise to leave Stephanie alone for too long considering the circumstances.

------------------------------

Stephanie lay immobile for some time, floating in and out of consciousness. Slowly she sat up and rubbed a hand through her hair. She rose to her feet, trembling as she did so. She slipped off the blanket and Shawn's jacket. With shaking hands she began to grab at her torn clothes. She started to walk towards the bathroom, shedding off her clothing as if they were a second skin.

She entered the bathroom then pushed at the bathroom door, causing it to almost shut behind her as she continued towards the shower. By the time she reached the shower she was completely naked. She pulled back the shower curtain and climbed inside, pulling it shut behind her. She turned on the water, making it as hot as possible. She pulled the tab to start the showerhead, steaming hot water pouring over her.

She ran her hands over her body, feeling several bumps and lacerations as she went. Her fingers combed through her hair, releasing sticks and clumps of mud. She found a bar of soap and a washcloth and she snatched them up quickly. She ran a finger over the soap. It was smooth and white. Clean. She eyed the washcloth, it was soft and white. Also clean. She rubbed the soap and washcloth together until she made a rich lather. She rubbed the washcloth over her body roughly. Her mind flashed to her leaving the coliseum. It flashed to her being grabbed from behind. Flashed to her clothes being torn. Flashed to her struggling. Flashed to her giving up.

She began to scrub so hard her skin turned pink. She felt so dirty. Felt as if she'd never be clean. She saw the mud, grime, grit, and dirt flow off her body and down the drain but it wasn't good enough. She tore at her hair, running the foaming washcloth all over herself. Blood soon joined the flow of water running down her body. Fresh pink blood. She had rubbed in some places so hard that she had broken skin. She didn't care. She had to be clean, had to get the dirt off. The feeling off.

Her hands went to between her legs. She felt like he was still there. She could almost feel him still inside. Tearing away at her. She grabbed the showerhead and was pleased to find it removable. She directed the hot water between her legs, biting her lip as it seemed to burn. She didn't care. The scalding heat replacing the feeling of him. She replaced the showerhead and began to scrub again.

A dull throb began in her head and she could hear his voice. It came across almost androgynous in her memory, making it hard for her to place. _'You liked that, didn't you Stephanie? I've waited a long time to do that'._

She swallowed, her thoughts flashing to when he had risen up from on top of her, leaving her crushed against the ground. He had dropped her next to the gutter, his next words unforgettable. _'This is where you belong, Stephanie.'_

This is where you belong, Stephanie.

__

Where you belong, Stephanie.

Where you belong.

Stephanie began to collapse to the floor of the bath. She felt something well up inside and choke her. She didn't want to let go. Didn't want to release it because she was afraid but she had no control, it bubbled out of her. A sob. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, the water still pouring down from above her as she began to weep uncontrollably.

------------------------------

Shawn entered the motel room carrying a bag full of Chinese take out. It smelled pretty good to him and he hoped it would to Stephanie too. Maybe it would break through that barrier she had constructed around herself. The moment he entered however he saw that the bed was empty and disheveled. A trail of clothes led towards the bathroom.

Shawn set down the bag of food and cautiously stepped towards the bathroom. He heard a heart-wrenching sob and stopped just outside the partially closed door. He tapped it with his knuckle, "Stephanie?"

His only answer was more crying. Shawn didn't know what to do. He didn't want to just barge in but he could tell she was in pain. He could hear the shower running and it suddenly occurred to him his earlier thought about it not being wise to leave her alone. After all, considering what had happened and the way she was acting it was obvious she wasn't in her right mind. What if she...

Shawn didn't imagine a strong woman like Stephanie would ever resort to hurting herself or worse but after what had happened...

He found himself cursing again as he entered the room. The air was full of thick steam as he headed over. He pulled back the curtain slowly and found her on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees. He could see new bruises now, one's surrounding her breasts and even her-

He felt tears well up as he swallowed, "Oh Jesus, Stephanie...I'm so sorry..."

Stephanie looked up at him and with a jagged cry she rose and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his strong shoulder. She shattered; the sobs escaping her so violently that her whole body shook. He held her close. It didn't matter that she was naked, all that mattered was this moment. This desperate need for comfort.

He found himself crying too, crying for her as waves of pain rolled out for her. She kept trying to speak but everything that came out of her mouth sounded strangled. Shawn picked up a few words-'sorry', 'he', 'hurts', 'clean', 'so dirty', 'wouldn't stop', 'couldn't fight', and 'oh god'. Each word tore at him and he found himself holding her tighter. He didn't want to scare her or crush her, she seemed so fragile now, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to protect her, wanted to take away all this pain. It was so unfair.

Her sobbing became so bad that eventually she had tear herself away from him. She rushed to the toilet but didn't manage to get to it in time before she started to vomit. Some of the awful stuff fell on the floor before she managed to yank up the lid and let it fall into the bowl. She kept crying and vomiting until she was reduced to dry heaves.

All the while, in the back, Shawn turned off the shower and grabbed the wet washcloth as well as a body towel. He came over and gently wrapped the body towel around her. He bent down and pulled back her hair, running the wet washcloth along her forehead as she puked. Eventually she managed to stop and drew away. She pulled the towel around her body fully and let Shawn pull her close to him. They lay on the floor of the bathroom for quite sometime until at last she spoke.

"I'm sorry about your floor." She whispered. Her voice sounded rusty as if it hadn't been used in years.

"Don't be sorry." He replied simply.

They sat for another spell of silence when Stephanie whispered, "I should go to the hospital, shouldn't I?"

"It's up to you, sweetheart." He replied softly, when something occurred to him, he asked tentatively, "Is it-okay for me to hold you like this?"

A weak smile took her, "Yes. Please keep holding me."

She snuggled in closer to him, "And never let go."


	3. Chapter 3: Fix

Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 3: Fix

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them. 

------------------------------

__

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

------------------------------

Stephanie sat at the tiny table in the motel room, picking at the Chinese food while Shawn spoke into the phone. He called the local hospital to let them know they were coming. He talked clearly and tried to sound calm but there was a slightly higher pitch to his voice then usual, showing his stress.

She overheard his side of the conversation as she stared at an eggroll with an almost abnormal amount of attention. She had stopped crying, which she found to be a relief. When she had started she was scared to death that she'd never stop. However, the crying and her subsequent vomiting, had left her throat raw and dry. She would have loved a drink but she didn't get one.

Slowly she was returning to the land of the living, feeling starting to come alive in her body despite her wishing different. She'd rather return to her catatonic shell then deal with how her body ached. Every throb that shuddered through her system caused her to remember what had happened, what he had done.

Suddenly she heard the phone click down on its handle. Shawn walked over to her, trying to look confident, "Doctors' said they're ready to see you. They said we need to bring your clothes in a brown paper bag."

Stephanie nodded, her eyes casting down to the clothing she wore now. Shawn hadn't had much in the way of woman's clothing so she found herself wearing a buttoned-up blue dress shirt and baggy jeans held to her body by one of his belts. Shawn took a seat across from her and reached out his hand to cover hers, giving it a light squeeze, "Hey, everything will be okay."

She managed a weak tug at the corner of her lips. Not quite a smile. She didn't think she'd ever smile again. Shawn saw the full plate of food before her. He felt foolish. Had he actually thought food would make her feel better? Nothing was going to make this any easier. He let out a sigh and rose to his feet, "Come on, let's get going."

Stephanie rose to her feet and watched as Shawn bent down to slip on his shoes. Ever since...what had happened to her earlier tonight, she found herself staring at the strangest things. Paying close attention. She was studying and analyzing quietly. She imagined it was because she would do almost anything to try and not think about what had happened. To not think about his fingers digging into her, his hot, stinking breath on her face.

Even now her thoughts drifted away from her jagged memories as she focused on Shawn's simple task. He looped together the laces on the old white sneakers, his fingers performing the required movements effortlessly. He had surprisingly quick fingers. They were tanned, long and graceful. Artists' hands. But working in the WWE had taken its toll; she could make out calluses, turning the image of fingers away from that of an artists' and closer to that of a farmer. Work man's hands.

His hair was loose; oddly enough she hadn't realized that until now. Normally his hair was pulled back but now it hung loosely around his face. It was still wet from the rain earlier, so it was remarkably curly, reminding her a bit of Hunter. The strands were a golden brown that probably nicely offset his eyes. She soon discovered this to be true as he looked up, locking his eyes with hers as he said, "Are you ready to go?"

She looked deeply into his eyes, examining them. They were perhaps his most startling feature because they stood out so acutely. A maelstrom of green and blue fibers all sewn together to form his perfect iris. His eyes also had such character. Looking into them told you exactly how he was feeling as well as providing a suggestive note of his nature. She could tell just by looking that he was someone who could be trusted, perhaps that was why she felt safe. 

Those eyes narrowed as he frowned, "Stephanie?"

She had been pretty responsive earlier so the idea of her sinking back into that practically comatose state worried him. She assuaged his fears as she replied, "Yes, let's go."

He rose to his feet and went to the door, her at his heels when a thought occurred to him. She was puzzled as he turned away from the door but her unspoken question was soon answered as he walked over with his coat. He gently wrapped it around her shoulders and she looked up at him. He seemed a bit embarrassed as he grunted quickly, "It's still raining."

She couldn't help but be touched and pulled the jacket around herself tightly, "Thank you."

He gave a curt nod and opened the door for her. She stepped out, him following behind her and she let out an unsteady breath. Whether or not she was ready for it, the time had come. She was going to the hospital.

------------------------------

"Ms. McMahon?" A young nurse asked sweetly. She held a metal clipboard in her hand and looked at Stephanie with the utmost concern.

Stephanie managed a wobbly nod. The nurse gave her a warm smile; "My name is Nurse Patterson. I'm going to take you to see the doctor, okay? We're going to run a few tests, including a sexual abuse evidentiary examination, do you understand?"

Stephanie gave another nod and Nurse Patterson nodded in return, "Good. Now if you'll just follow me I'll explain the exam on the way."

Nurse Patterson and Stephanie walked off, leaving Shawn all alone in one of the hospital hallways. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, wondering what to do next when suddenly another nurse appeared to his right, "Mr. Michaels?"

Shawn turned to her, "Yes?"

"I'm Nurse Filmore, you talked to me on the phone about your friend, Ms. McMahon?"

"Oh, yeah, hi."

The nurse gave him a sympathetic look and handed him a clipboard with papers on it, "Here, this will keep you busy while the exam takes place. You forgot to peruse these when you checked Ms. McMahon in. Most of these papers have legal and insurance information that perhaps only Ms. McMahon knows but you can try your best to fill in the blanks. I've seen people waiting for their loved ones during this time and I know how difficult it is for them to sit around and feel as if they're 'doing nothing'."

"Yeah, thanks. This'll help." Shawn said, managing to drum up a white toothed grin. Pleased, she walked away and he found a seat. All in all, he had been honest. Doing some paperwork would definitely help to try and take his mind of things until the exam was over. He worked for quite sometime, struggling with some of the questions when he felt the presence of some one standing over him.

He looked up to see a heavy set woman in her forties, "Are you the one who brought in Ms. McMahon?"

"Yes, Shawn Michaels." Shawn said, holding his hand out to the woman.

They shared a short shake and then the woman continued, "I'm Doctor Russell, Mr. Michaels. Tell me, is Ms. McMahon your wife or fiancée? Your girlfriend, perhaps?"

"No, she's just a friend."

"Ah, well," Doctor Russell drew out a clipboard similar to the one Nurse Patterson had, "I'd like to ask you a few questions. Now it says here you found her in a gutter after the assault?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Hmm, how was she?"

"In a state of shock, practically frozen to death."

"I see. Did you bring her clothes?"

Shawn held out the brown paper bag to her. She took it from him and scribbled a few notes on the clipboard before turning to face him, "Now realize what I am about to tell you is only because Ms. McMahon requested it, not because I think it is wise. While you may have found Ms. McMahon you are of no relation to her and technically speaking I should not allow you to be privy to this information but as I said, she was adamant that I inform you."

"I understand." 

Doctor Russell nodded, obviously appeased as she began, "Ms. McMahon was indeed a victim of rape. She is, however, not pregnant nor host to any STDs to speak of so far as we can tell."

"Thank god," Shawn breathed, a weight leaving him.

"However," Doctor Russell interjected, "She is suffering from a mild case of amnesia. I tested her system to see if she had possibly been drugged but found no evidence of such. This suggests that the amnesia has been caused by the shock she suffered. Should this be lifted, she may remember her attacker. From what I managed to gather, she was able to recall that the attacker was male and that he took her by surprise when she was exiting the coliseum. However, her memory of his face and anything truly identifying are blurred. Can you think of anyone who may have had motive to do such a thing?"

Shawn shook his head and Doctor Russell sighed, "At least eighty percent of sexual assaults occur between people who know each other. I assume since you are her friend you know people she knows. With that in mind, if I was you, I would keep a sharp eye out. I asked for the clothing because it may contain possible evidence the police can use if, and that's only if, Ms. McMahon chooses to report the assault. She has made no mention of doing so, so far. I have informed her of what she's entitled too, including the use of a sexual assault victim advocate. 

"The advocates have special training in working with victims of this nature, especially in building a bridge between the victim and law enforcement. Still, everything is up to her. Rape is about taking away someone's power and control. Ms. McMahon-Stephanie-needs to be allowed to be in control and make her own decisions after what happened. She informed me of your actions and I applaud you for them, you handled yourself very well but I suggest reading this pamphlet to help you understand all of this better."

Doctor Russell handed him a pamphlet and sighed, "She's resting in her room right now, I've written the room number right on top of the pamphlet there, and you're welcome to see her. In fact, she was asking for you. I'd like to keep her overnight for further observation."

"No problem, thanks, Doc!" Shawn took the pamphlet in hand, checking the room number quickly then squeezing it tight as he headed to Stephanie's room.

------------------------------

Stephanie lay in bed, her eyes closed in thought when Shawn entered, he gave her a tentative smile, "Hey there."

She opened her eyes as he came over and drew a seat up next to her bed, "How are you doing?"

"Good. I suppose." She whispered, fiddling with her hands, "They said it was a shame I took a shower because then a greater amount of evidence could have been preserved but they said that it was okay."

"Yeah, it is," Shawn assured her. They sat in silence for a moment until he managed to wrestle up enough courage to ask, "So what are you going to do now?"

She swallowed and leaned her head back, blinking back tears, "I don't know. I just want things to go back to how they were. I want things to be normal again. I came to the hospital because I thought maybe they could-I dunno, fix it. Fix me. But I guess that was silly. Nothing will be the same ever again."

She shook her head, her voice coming out thin, "You know that old saying? About how when you hear about this sort of thing you never ever think it could happen to you? Well, I was never like that. I could see this possibly happening to me. I mean, I'm a McMahon, a lot of people are gunning for me. And trying to be a diva? A sex symbol? I don't kid myself to that fact that somewhere out there there's some obsessed pervert who beats his meat off to me twenty four seven and dreams about what it would really be like to take a crack at the cherry pie. But, I don't know, even with that in mind I always thought-" 

Her voice broke, "I always thought that even if it did happen I could protect myself-I could fight off whoever tried to attack me. I've always prided myself on being a strong person-physically and mentally and I just thought that if something like this came up they would never succeed in," she trailed off, waving a hand limply, "But I failed, Shawn. I wasn't strong enough. I cracked like an egg the moment he got his claws into me! He broke my strength physically and mentally, I mean you found me, you saw it, I was on the edge of my sanity!"

Tears began to roll down her cheeks, her voice had been rising to a shout as each angry thought poured out of her, "This is _my_ fault. I should have fought back! I should have been stronger!"

"Ah, Stephanie, no, shh." He rose to his feet and took a seat next to her on the bed. She fell into his arms without hesitation and he held her close, running a hand along her hair soothingly as he spoke, "This was not your fault. It could never and will never be your fault. No matter what. You didn't commit the crime, the man who attacked you did. And I don't want you feeling guilty for not fighting back. I know that you acted back in the best manner you could when it happened. You did what you needed to, to survive and I am so thankful that you did survive. You're a wonderful person, Stephanie McMahon, and the world would be a wanting place without you in it."

Stephanie felt a watery, dry laugh escape her, "I am quite fortunate to have you, the silver-tongued Heart Break Kid, here to reassure me."

"Hey now," Shawn said softly and turned her eyes to meet his, "I meant every word I just said."

She sighed, "I know, Shawn. And I thank you for it. I thank you for a lot of things."

He pulled away from her and rose to his feet, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

She bit her lip, obviously thinking about something. At last she relented, "I want you to call Shane. I want him here."

"Your father?"

"NO! No, just Shane, please. My father would probably just be embarrassed about the whole situation."

"Stephanie, I'm sure he wouldn't..."

"Look Shawn, I'm just-I'm not ready to tell him. I can bearly take telling Shane, okay?"

"Okay, call Shane. I'm on it." Shawn headed towards the door.

Stephanie watched him turn, the muscles in his back catching her detailed attention this time. They were easy to see under his shirt. They weren't as big as Hunter's but they were ripped enough, tight steel bars hidden under a layer of skin and cotton, showing off his strength and vitality. He was almost out the door when she called to him again. He turned back to her, concern creasing his brow, "Yes?"

"Shawn, promise me...you'll come back. I-I don't want to be alone." 

Shawn gave her a warm, toothy smile, "After I call, I'll come right back. We can split your jello."

Stephanie felt the corners of her mouth tug again. Earlier she had thought she would never be able to smile again. She got the feeling now, however, that if she kept hanging out around Shawn, that worry might be put to rest.


	4. Chapter 4: Goodbye

Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 4: Goodbye

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them. 

------------------------------

__

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

------------------------------

The day glow clock next to Stephanie's bed read 7 a.m. Shawn lifted his head from where it had rested on Stephanie's bed and let out a sleepy sound of confusion. He looked at the clock and suddenly his mind flooded with memories of yesterday's events. He remembered finding Stephanie, taking care of her, bring her to the hospital, sitting next to her until she had fallen asleep and then resting his head on her bed for what he had thought would be just a moment.

Obviously his moment had lapsed into hours as sleep had overcome him. He rubbed at a crick in his neck and looked around. The room was comfortably dim and he wondered briefly why Doctor Russell or some other white coat hadn't thrown him out of her room. Visiting hours probably ended long ago. As he caught a glimpse of Stephanie he realized he didn't care. It was good to see her sleeping so peacefully, he knew she must have been exhausted after all that had happened and one of the best things for her was a copious amount of rest.

She looked much better now than she had earlier. The cuts and bruises were hardly visible. Color had returned to her body, her cheeks and lips flush with a soft vermilion. Much better than the earlier pale white and sickly violet that had painted her. In his mind's eye he could still see her in the gutter, her eyes wide, her body curled in a fetal position. He didn't think he'd forget that as long as he lived, the sight permanently engraved into his brain.

He ran a hand up along her arm, then rose just enough so he could lean up and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead. He didn't know quite why he did it, the urge had simply over taken him. The moment he rested back in his seat the door to her room burst open and Shane McMahon stood there looking half-mad.

His hair and clothes were in a complete disarray and he was practically foaming at the mouth as he burst in, asking in a heated blur, "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SISTER!"

Stephanie stirred slightly, her face cringing in sleep. Shawn rushed over and shoved Shane out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind him, "Don't scream like that, you'll wake her and half the hospital up!"

"Who gives a shit! I want to know what the fuck happened to my sister! I want to know why she's here, why _you_ were the one to call me here, and what you have to do with this in the first place. I don't want any Mysterio bullshit! I want to know why she's here and you're going to tell me! RIGHT NOW!"

Shawn sighed and rubbed his temple, he wasn't ready to deal with this, "Shane, I don't want to break her trust by telling you that without her permission."

"Fuck that! You call me on the phone, tell me my sister is in the hospital and to fly down here, then hang up on me leaving me to wonder what in God's name happened to her. Now I'm here, she's in a hospital bed and you're in her room and-just tell me what's going on! NOW!"

"Shane-"

Before Shawn could go any further Shane grabbed the collar of his shirt and thrust him roughly up against the nearest wall, shaking him hard, as he spit out viciously, "You tell me, you son of a bitch or I swear to God I'll-"

"You'll what?" Shawn asked between clenched teeth, his temper flaring up. Shane must have been intimidated by whatever burned in Shawn's eyes as he stepped down a little, releasing Shawn to reply tightly, "I'll go ask her myself."

Shane turned to go into his sister's room but Shawn grabbed his elbow, "No, wait, look..." he drew Shane away from the door and they locked eyes, "I don't want you waking her up. She needs her rest. Can't you just...can't you wait until she wakes up?"

Shane opened his mouth to continue but then a tight cry erupted from Stephanie's room. Both Shane and Shawn charged in. Stephanie was tossing about the bed, moaning and crying, tears rolling down her cheeks. Shane reached her first and took hold of her wrists, "Stephanie! What's-"

Shane didn't get much further before she slapped him across the face soundly, "Get away! GET AWAY!"

Shawn got to one side of her but avoided her flailing limbs, instead choosing to speak loudly and firmly, "Stephanie! STEPH!"

Stephanie tossed about a bit more but her eyes finally opened and she looked around as if in a haze, "S-Shawn?"

"I'm here, Stephanie." Shawn assured her and pulled in closer, running a hand along her face. She turned to him, tears in her eyes as she sobbed, "He was after me again."

"Shh, it's okay. You're safe now. Your brother is here to see you."

"Shane?" she whispered and looked around, "Where's Shane?"

"Here, Steph." Shane said and leaned over her on the other side of the bed, a hand rubbing at her cheek.

"Ohhh, Shaney," she whimpered and began to cry. Shane tried to soothe her, sitting on her bed to pull her into his arms. Stephanie pulled in close to his body, sobbing quietly. Shawn took this as his cue to leave and left the siblings alone to discuss the whole sordid affair. He sat out in the hall across from her room and waited, knowing Shane would want to speak to him once it was all over.

Just like clockwork, Shane emerged from the room two hours later and looked straight at Shawn. His face was tight and drawn as if the life had been sucked out of him. Shawn rose to his feet and the two men stood in silence, merely looking at each other. At last Shane spoke, "You found her?"

"Yes. I did."

Shane nodded and another silence settled in. Eventually Shane found the strength to continue, "Why didn't you call me sooner?"

"I didn't call you until she told me to. I didn't want to insist that she talk to people about it. This is all up to her, Shane, because this is about her and something horrible that happened to her. I don't give her advice or try to tell her what to do about it. If I was in her position would I do things different? Yeah, maybe but I'm not her. I'm doing what ever she tells me, I did the best I can."

Shane nodded again, "Why hasn't she reported it yet? I want the cops out looking for this-this monster and I want them to catch him and..." Shane shook with uncontrollable rage, his hands clenched in fists as he practically shook with fury, his voice rising as he spoke, "So why hasn't she reported it!"

"I just told you, Shane. She knows, better than anyone else does, what will be the most useful for her right now. Reporting is a very big step; it might require more time, energy, and courage than she feels ready to give at this time. I didn't want to press her or force after all," Shawn drew close to Shane at this point to cement his point, "hasn't she been forced on enough?"

Shane closed his eyes and backed down. He looked weak. Drained. Shawn sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Look, Shane, I know how you feel..."

"No, no Shawn, you really don't! Okay? That's...that's my sister in there. My flesh and blood and when I think of what happened to her...I mean, maybe if I had been there I could have prevented-"

"Shane, 'coulda', 'shoulda', 'woulda'-there not going to help, all right? And neither is 'what if'. What happened, happened. It's horrible, awful but it happened and now we just have to force ourselves to move on from here. Especially for Stephanie's sake. Because what you and I feel is inconsequential to what she feels. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like in her shoes. Can you?"

Shane shook his head and Shawn let out a breath of relief as he patted Shane's shoulder, "Good, then you can understand why it's important that you don't tell anyone else about this. And that includes your father."

"My dad? But he-"

"Can know when Stephanie decides to tell him. It was hard enough for her to come to you. You do understand that, right?"

Shane reluctantly nodded when suddenly Nurse Patterson appeared, "Sorry to interrupt you gentlemen but I just came from Ms. McMahon's room and she told me to let you know that she has just been released. She filled out all the paperwork. As soon as she's dressed she'll be ready to leave."

"Thank you, nurse." Shane said and turned back to Shawn, a frown on his face, "I'll take Stephanie back with me to our family estate. I'll try not to pressure her but I _will _suggest she report the incident."

Shawn nodded, "That's just fine. As long as you don't tell her what to do, I'm okay with it. But when you suggest it, try and be subtle."

Shane glared at him when suddenly Stephanie appeared. She looked little worse for wear and gave them both a soft look, "I'm ready to go."

Shane looked her over, "Where'd you get the jacket?"

Stephanie looked down and suddenly realized she was still wearing Shawn's jacket, "Oh. This. It's Shawn's. I wore it here last night and I guess when I changed out of the hospital gown I just saw it and-here, I'll go ahead and return it."

Stephanie was about to shrug it off when Shawn gently touched her shoulder to stop her, "No, that's okay. Keep it. It's cold out."

Stephanie's eyes widened at the words but she complied, wrapping the jacket tighter around herself. Shane shot a look at Shawn but didn't say a word, instead he asked a new question, "What's with the bag?"

"Just some leftover hospital food. It's not as bad as you would think." Stephanie said as she gripped the brown paper bag in her hand more tightly. Shawn recognized the bag immediately. It was the bag of clothes he had brought in last night. Dr. Russell must have returned it to her since she had decided not to file a report. He didn't say anything but his eyes did flicker up to Stephanie's, he saw a pleading there so he kept his mouth shut, instead giving them both a warm smile, "Well, I guess you two should be on your way."

"Yes, we will be." Shane said and took his sister's arm. He turned to lead her off but she kept looking over her shoulder after Shawn. Shawn stood rooted to the spot for a moment then turned to leave. He found himself looking over his shoulder as well, his eyes often meeting with Stephanie's. He stopped. Cursed. And turned around to rush up to them, "Wait! Wait a minute!"

Shane reluctantly stopped, Stephanie had a look of relief on her face as Shawn walked over. He stood directly in front of her, looking down into her eyes so that she almost felt as if they were the only two people in the whole hospital, "Listen, Stephanie, if you ever need anything, ever need to talk, don't hesitate to call me, all right? I'll be on call for you twenty-four-seven."

Stephanie nodded, her face not changing but her insides rising just a little at his words. Shane spoke up for her, "She'll be fine."

"Right." Shawn whispered and, quickly without thought, reached out a finger to run along her cheek lovingly. He turned away swiftly, surprised by his actions. He didn't know what was happening to him. It was obvious the situation hadn't just been life changing for her. He walked away and wondered if he would ever see her again. He highly doubted it, she had Shane to take care of her now. In a couple of months he imagined the entire incident would be well behind him and hopefully her as well.


	5. Chapter 5: Call

Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 5: Call

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them.

------------------------------

__

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

------------------------------

It had been three whole weeks since the 'incident'. Stephanie had discovered her moods going through a constant cycle-numbness, confusion, upset, fear, shock, disbelief, and anger. The last one was most common when she was around Shane. He was dead set on her reporting the incident and telling her father. She knew he meant well but she found his persistence to be infuriating. She had thought he would be more understanding. 

"I love you, Stephanie, don't you understand that," he would say, "I'm sorry this happened to you and I thank God you survived but we need to take the next step. If you tell Dad he'll spend a fortune on the investigation. We'll find this guy and make him pay. Wouldn't that make you feel better?"

A part of her knew he was right, making this guy pay would make her feel better. The old Stephanie, Stephanie McMahon Helmsley-Hunter's Stephanie, would be bloodthirsty for revenge. She would love to screw over anyone who'd messed with her.

But that wasn't who she was anymore. She was someone new. How could she not be after what had happened? And this new her was scared to death. It made her sick to her stomach but it was true. She was terrified that they would catch the guy and she would have to see him again. She just wanted him to disappear, wanted the whole thing to disappear. 

Whenever it began to rain she found herself taken by severe anxiety attacks. Her appetite had decrease and when she wasn't plagued by nightmares she had difficulty getting to sleep. If she did sleep she found herself tossing and turning or waking up and being unable to fall back to sleep. It was like living in some kind of prison. 

People remarked on it at work. They'd come up to her and ask why she was so gloomy and depressed and she'd have to make up some lie. Her newfound attention to detail had not been lost either. Sometimes she would spend hours staring at a pencil on a desk or piece of tape stuck to a wall. She'd map out every single thing about it. It made her fall in love with water. Anytime they were near an area with a lake or a river she would take a pair of headphones and walk out to it, as close to the water as she could and sit down, listening to music as she watched the water ripple and wave. It helped to look at these things and let her mind float away.

She found thinking a hopeless task. One day at Smackdown she had twenty people at her door. They kept asking her questions-should we renew this contract? Do you want this wall repainted? What were the ratings last quarter? What are our current earnings? Normally in this kind of situation she loved barking out answers and orders. It was as easy as filing her nails. But recently it was almost impossible.

She had such difficulty making decisions that before had been so simple. So much so that she had chased off the workers that day and went into her office. She locked her door behind her, crumpled to the floor and cried for so long that she became frightened. Afraid it wouldn't stop. Eventually it did, but the exertion made her so tired that she fell asleep. A whole day of work lost. Her father was furious at first but she quickly blew it off, saying it was PMS. He was never one to deal with that 'girly' stuff and promptly let her off the hook.

Now she stood in her old bedroom. Shane had brought her back to the family estate as opposed to her apartment, saying she needed to be around her family during this time even if she didn't want to tell her parents what had happened yet. She had worried at first that the situation would look suspicious but her parents actually took to the idea, scolding that she had not visited in ages. Their reaction had puzzled her. It felt sort of funny, as if her family was actually normal. Still, she was thankful for their bizarre mood swing as she found hiding out in her old room was much easier than it would have been at her apartment. It also made it so that Shane was close by whenever she needed him.

She had earned a few days off and she was thrilled. She needed some room to breathe. She found that she was still absent of the ability to smile. Shane commented on it, worry creasing his handsome face. She did indeed love her brother; it wasn't his fault he couldn't understand what was happening to her. That he didn't know what to do. She didn't know either. All she wished for was for everything to go back to as it was before.

She found herself looking over at her bed. Resting on top of the blankets was Shawn's jacket. She had found herself carrying the garment with her everywhere as if it were some sort of lucky charm. Whenever she wore it she felt warm, protected. She wondered what he was doing. Truthfully Shawn hadn't known how to help her any more than Shane had and yet she found him much more fulfilling in the job. Shawn may have thought he was doing everything wrong but to her it seemed as if his every action had been right.

Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if he hadn't found her or if someone else had found her and she discovered herself grateful that it had been him. Somehow in her mind, she couldn't imagine anyone else having handled the situation as well as he had.

Her eyes cast over to her dresser. In the bottom drawer she had hid the brown paper bag. She couldn't bear to open it up and look inside at the tattered clothes, the evidence of her own sexual assault. Just the thought made her shake. She felt as if she would never come to grip with what happened. She knew that couldn't be healthy but what was she supposed to do? Sit in one of those groups with all those other women and cry her heart out and admit what happened? She didn't want to do that! She just wanted to forget it ever happened!

Forgetting it happened, moving on-it had become her mantra.

She sighed and sat on her bed. She felt so lost-so alone. Earlier she had thought of her life like a prison and that was indeed the best description. She felt like she was trapped and in the dark with no way out. She wondered...

Her eyes cast to her cell phone. She had thousands of numbers programmed in to it, including every single Superstar's. She imagined Shawn's number was in there somewhere. And he had said she could call him if she felt the need. But was it right of her to bother him? Maybe the offer had been superficial, a way to save face. But even as she thought this she knew it was true. Shawn's offer had been genuine otherwise he wouldn't have made it. Still, could she risk it?

Her throat felt thick as she picked up her phone and scanned through the saved numbers. Towards the very end was Shawn's. She swallowed and swiftly pushed the button to dial the number. She didn't have to say anything in particular. She could be short. Just see how he was doing-

"Hello?"

She let out a tight breath at the sound of his voice. It was husky, tired-maybe she had woken him up. Oh god, she should just hang up and forget she had ever even tried. 

"Hello?" his voice asked again.

"Shawn?" she squeaked out against her own violation.

There was a tense silence then the voice became clearer, as if Shawn woke up fully at the sound of her voice, "Stephanie? Is that you, babe?"

She felt one corner of her mouth tug at the title. She imagined at some other time in her life she'd be miffed at the term but instead she found herself remedied by it. It was so good to hear his voice. She answered timidly, "Yeah. It's-it's me."

"What's up?"

"Not-not much. I just...I called to see how you were." God, she hated how wobbly her voice sounded. He probably thought she was going to burst into tears any second or something. She sat on her bed for strength, her knees weak. 

"I'm all right. Working out, getting back in shape-I'm hoping to get into the ring with your ex-husband soon, with your permission of course." He teased and she imagined his smile over the other end of the phone.

"That sounds good."

"And how have you been, sweetheart? Holding up? Givin' 'em hell?"

She could have sworn she felt a bubble of laughter rise up inside her but nothing came out as she answered mutely, "Oh yeah, you know me."

There was another thick silence. Stephanie felt so stupid. Her eyes began to water, her face heating up. She tired to ignore it, shoving a strand of hair behind her ear as she tried to think of something else to say. All she ended up coming up with was, "So what did you have for lunch today?' which she cringed at. God, she was so stupid! Still, Shawn didn't seem to mind, answering simply in his sweet Texas-accent that he'd had a bowl of Cocca Puffs.

"Yeah, I love Cocca Puffs. You know, when ya let 'em sit in the milk and they soak up and become this nice chocolate goop. It's the greatest. Not very healthy but, what can I say? I'm coo coo for Cocca Puffs."

Stephanie didn't answer and he sighed, "And you? What did you have, pretty lady? Something much better, right? Probably sushi or..."

He heard her sniffle over the other end, "Stephanie..."

"Oh...I promised myself I wouldn't...I didn't think," she whispered and pulled the phone away from her, trying to collect her composure. She could hear Shawn's voice faintly on the other end, "Stephanie, it's okay. Just tell me. I'm here."

She eventually got herself under control enough to speak, her voice cracking like a broken record, "You said I could call when I needed to and...Shawn, I need you. I need to see you, I understand if..."

"When do you need me there." He asked without hesitation.

"As-as soon as you're available." She replied softly, hating how weak she had become.

"Where are you?"

"I'm still at the family estate. I have the week off..."

"I'll get the next flight out."

A tear escaped her eye, "Oh Shawn..."

"Shh, it's okay, sweetheart. Don't be upset. If you need me, you need me. I'm glad to help you, all right? I want to, that's why I told you to call me if you needed me. Remember? On call twenty-four-seven? I'll be there for you. All you have to do is ask."

"I feel so stupid."

"Don't. Don't ever, okay? I'll be right there, all right? See you soon."

"Yeah, see ya." Stephanie whispered and hung up the phone. She fell back on her bed and drew a pillow close. She felt a wave wash over, some of the weight off her body being lifted away. He was coming. She was going to see him again. 

Part of her felt pathetic because it seemed the only way she could feel better was when he was around and this would not do. She should be able to fix this herself, shouldn't she? She shouldn't have to depend on this man or any man to help her. But another part of her felt nothing but grateful. Grateful that someone out there cared enough to be there for her when she needed it. And whether or not she liked it, she needed it.

She held the pillow tight, a strange thrill running through her. She couldn't wait until he arrived. This was the last thought she had before she fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6: Want

Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 6: Want

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them.

Author's Note: This is a very serious fan fiction dealing with some very dark themes. Therefore I have placed several warnings. Some are my normal warnings and others deal with the subject matter I am writing about. 

I was inspired to write this story by Temptation Eyes' "Do Unto Others' and Kittie Kittie Kittie's "Somewhere Out There" (two great stories I would recommend to anyone). Now granted, both of those stories are slash and feature Adam/Jeff whereas this story is in my normal Shawn/Stephanie theme but both stories took serous subjects and dealt with them in an impressive way, showing off how good both authors are. 

It inspired me to try a dark subject and see what I could come up with. That all said, here are the warnings-

This is a fan fiction based on _characters_ from the WWE. This story does not represent the real Stephanie McMahon or Shawn Michaels, etc. It is based on their fictional characters not the actual people themselves. I am fully aware Shawn Michaels is married and that it has even been announced on the show that he has a wife and child. However, seeing as this is fiction, I am pretending he does not. This takes place after Shawn first emerged from his chair, before the casket match and before the (in my opinion) icky kiss between Stephanie and Bischoff which I am going to try and forget. This is not a story to be taken lightly; it has some very tense/disturbing scenes and deals with the subject of rape. If you can't take abuse and violence in a story, or a story with the mistreating of your favorite wrestler, then maybe you shouldn't read this. 

------------------------------

__

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

------------------------------

Stephanie paced back and forth in front of the front door. She hoped it didn't look too odd but she knew at any second Shawn would show up and she didn't want anyone to see. If her father or Shane caught sight of Shawn all hell would break lose. Vince would want to know why Shawn was there and Shane, well, he would automatically know why and she was worried he'd spill the beans to her father, her permission or no.

There was a sudden tap on the door and she dived for the handle, thrusting the big door wide open. Shawn stood there, shades hanging low on his nose, looking for all the world a cool character. He slouched forward until he was leaning in the doorway and he locked eyes with her, a slight grin on his face, "I just drove up your driveway, and-whew-is my car tired."

"Quick! Come in or they'll see you!" Stephanie hissed and grabbed Shawn's elbow. She tugged him inside swiftly and shut the door behind him. She took hold of his elbow again and ushered him up the stairs to her room, all the while looking around every corner. Once they were in her room she locked the door behind her again and let out a big breath of relief. Shawn had a raised eyebrow, "Let me guess: I'm not supposed to be here."

"It's not that." She sighed, running a hand through her hair as she leaned back against the door.

"No, no. I understand. Can't let Mom and Dad see your secret boyfriend. We better hurry up and get down to the making out and fooling around while the excitement's still hot."

She gave him something of an amused look, "You really think of yourself as something of a Ladies' man, don't you?"

"I'm afraid I cannot deny that allegation, ma'am." Shawn said and pretended to tip a hat.

Stephanie pushed away from the door, "I just-I didn't want my father to see you because it would look odd and I didn't want Shane to see because then..."

"He'd ask questions. Think something is wrong, I know, princess. I can figure stuff out for myself." Shawn assured her. He looked around the room. It wasn't exactly homey, that was for sure. It had an impressively high ceiling, an outdoor balcony with sliding glass doors, a king size canopy bed, an entertainment center, several chairs, couches, an oriental rug, and a fireplace. Not to mention the adjoining bathroom. He walked over to one of the dressers, idly fingering a fancy china set that rested on top, "Are you sure this is your bedroom? It looks more like..."

"A museum? A display room? I've always thought so too but, hey, this is as close to royalty as a McMahon can afford. Father wanted it to feel as if each room was it's own studio apartment."

"Well, he succeeded. See you got the fire going." Shawn walked over to the fireplace, eyeing the roaring fire inside with some interest.

"Maids came in this morning and started it. Told me it was cold outside said it...was probably going to rain." Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself at the last part, her eyes casting to the sliding glass doors. She could peer outside. It did indeed look dark out. Stormy. She could see the trees move under the weight of the wind. She shivered.

Shawn saw this and frowned, "You okay."

Stephanie tried to muster up a smile and failed, "Yeah. Fine." 

There was a stiff silence, Stephanie wracked her brain for someway to continue their conversation, at last she found it, "I overheard some of the stuff you said to Shane back at the hospital. About not pressuring me and letting me make my own decisions. I never knew you were so-knowledgeable." 

"I'm not. I just let Shane think that," Shane smirked, "I actually read all that stuff in a pamphlet Dr. Russell gave me to read. Practically had it memorized. Used it to show your brother up. I extend my deepest apologies. Really."

His sarcasm was easily heard and Stephanie sighed, "Somehow I don't get the feeling you really do."

"Hey, Shane deserved it. He thinks he's so smart. I hate people like that. Actually, I feel like most people think that around me. That they're better than me, smarter than me. I think it's because they resent how good-looking I am. What do you think?"

Stephanie walked over to him, "Could be that."

He settled on to the couch near the fireplace and turned his attention to Stephanie fully, "Enough with the small talk. You called me down here for a reason. What do you need?"

She found a seat opposite him and rested her hands between her knees, her head bent, her eyes downcast. They didn't speak for a length of time. Shawn had the feeling she wasn't comfortable enough yet to discuss the reason she had called him to her. He suddenly felt wrong for pushing her. Hadn't he been the one campaigning against that? Ashamed at not taking his own advice, he reopened the mild banter, "You look nice."

Stephanie made a disbelieving sound at that. She wore red jogging pants with blue and white strips up the side as well as a matching red zip-front hoodie. She had taken a shower not too long ago so her long brown hair was still loose and damp, the wetness making her hair curl. She shrugged, "I'm wearing teenager's clothing. You'd think I was going out to exercise but...I don't know. Lately I haven't had the energy to get all fancy. My dad made a note of it-he keeps asking why I look so, what were his words, slovenly, I believe it was."

Shawn gave her a warm smile, "Well I think you look lovely."

She felt a flash run through her, warming her veins and she realized with some embarrassment that she was blushing. She tried to suppress the blush, pushing a few strands of hair behind her ear, "Um...well, you probably want to know why I called."

"You can tell me when you feel like it. Until then we can just shoot the breeze. I mean, technically, I know zip about you."

"There's not much to tell," she replied quietly, "I'd be more interested in hearing about you."

"Me?" Shawn pointed to himself, his face a picture of fake shock, "But I'm my favorite topic! I'll keep you here for hours!" 

She rested her face in her hands, "I would love that."

"Well, you asked for it," he said and quickly began to rehash as much of himself as he could. He began with the normal introduction, this is my childhood, this is my favorite color, movie, etc. Then he went into deeper topics, some dissolving into rants. Before Stephanie knew it, she was receiving a long lecture about why Texas is one of the greatest states in the USA as well as why Garth Brooks isn't just a musician but a visionary. 

She listened with strong intent, surprised to find herself actually interested. She could see herself at another time. Yawning and rolling her eyes as he droned on and on. But then, that was just another example of the person she used to be. The person who was now dead. This reborn Stephanie McMahon found Shawn's every word, no matter how inane, to be stirring. Besides, she had asked for this. She had wanted to know him. All about him ever since he had found her. Saved her. 

Vaguely she could drum up one of her first memories from after the assault, that being of her on the shower floor. She could remember him standing over her, concern and tears in his eyes. He had looked down at her with such-caring. It had been overwhelming. She had never felt that way before. And he had held her while she cried and babbled. He hadn't cared that she was naked and soaked and broken. He had just been there, so soft and reassuring. And he had doted on her, even while she had leaned over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. And he had held her so gently.

Her extreme attention to detail kicked in as she looked at him. He spoke with such enthusiasm, such life. He was so animated. Her gaze focused on his nose. It was long and straight, not as big and blocky as Hunter's. His cheekbones were high and she realized they would look higher when his hair was pulled back. 

Luckily, his hair was not pulled back at this particular moment as he had chosen yet again to wear it loose, a wild nest of curls about his handsome tanned face. She found she liked his hair better loose, as it seemed more fitting to his personality. She bit her lip as she wondered what it would be like to run her fingers through those tresses. She could almost feel the strands between her fingers, imagining them silky and smooth. He had taken off his shades earlier, clipping them to the tight white shirt he wore. He had on a pair of faded Levi's and old cowboy boots, his image recalling something from a Marlboro add, the perfect cowboy.

"...and that's why, Green Day, while not a country band, is still acceptable music," Shawn concluded when he noticed the glazed look on Stephanie's face, "Oh lord, I've entranced you into a coma. This happens a lot when I talk to people. Stephanie! Stephanie! Can you hear me! Just think of an episode of 'Friends' and you'll snap out of it. Works for most people when I bore them to death."

Stephanie blinked, "I wasn't bored. I heard every word. I just started to drift off there towards the end because..." she trailed off. How could she begin to explain? 'I'm sorry, Shawn, I was too busy looking at you to listen, sorry?' That wasn't going to look too good. But then considering his reported ego, it just might. 

She shook her head, "I'm sorry. I get so distracted these days. That's why I called you. When you're around I don't feel so...lost. You wanted to know why I wanted you to come and I guess the best answer is, I wanted-needed to see you. Things have been so hard and I just...I don't know. I needed you."

"Needed me for what?"

"To be here. To be with me. You don't even have to do anything but...this. Shane acts so weird around me. It's not really his fault. He just doesn't know what to do. And since no one else knows what happened they don't understand why I act so strange so they avoid me and...I don't know. I just needed you because you're the one person who-who makes me feel okay. It's like...when you found me, from that moment on, we became connected. Formed some sort of...I don't know-a bond, I guess. Do I sound completely crazy?"

Shawn swallowed. He couldn't even begin to tell her. After she and Shane had left he had thought the whole thing would pass him by. He imagined Stephanie eventually caving in to help, therapy, filing a report, and eventually coming out on top, not another word between them. But he had never felt that way. Instead he had floated in and out of each day wondering how she was. What she was up to. He had picked up the phone more times then he could count. Fingering the buttons. Wondering if he should call then inevitably deciding against it.

The worry had been eating away at him. Her face haunted his dreams and his days, It was like everywhere he looked, there she was and just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore her call had come in. He didn't know who had been more relieved, her or him. He let out a breath and tried to look nonchalant, "No, it doesn't sound crazy. I-I feel it to."

She seemed revived at this revelation. They sat in silence, looking across at each other from where they sat. Stephanie's focus had inevitably fallen on his lips. Soft, smooth skin, the top lip was thin but the bottom lip was full and pouty, perfect for forming a smirk or a scowl, and even more perfect for kissing. She felt another rush of heat. Since the assault, she hadn't had even a stir of sexual desire in her. In fact even thinking of sex made her cringe, a dirtiness creeping along her skin that compelled her to go shower. She kept thinking of the gutter, the faceless man on top of her, driving inside, tearing away.

But as she looked at Shawn she forced those thoughts away. She could be normal again. She could feel lust. She felt it for this man right now. Just like how she had been in the old days, back when things in her life were simple and normal. When they were all right. She used to love sex. Used to love desire. That was why, even when she had been with Hunter, she had flirted with Angle. Love, lust, sex-they had been her favorite emotions. And as she looked at Shawn now, all those old feelings bubbling to the surface she felt such an ache inside that it hurt. 

She used to be a queen at seducing people. What was to stop her now? When she wanted something she got it, right? If she could do it in the past, why couldn't she do it now? She had to do it now. Had to, in order to prove that everything was fine. That it was okay. She could recapture her old life. Could be normal again. 

With these thoughts in mind she rose from her seat and crossed over to Shawn. Shawn could see the look in her eyes, feel the change and frowned, edging back in his seat. She tried to give him a catty smile but her lips refused to work. Instead she gave him something of an amused, questioning look. She stood above him at first, merely looking down. She kept her eyes locked with his as she reached a hand up to the collar of her hoodie. She took a firm hold of the top of the zipper and slowly began to edge it down, unzipping her top. 

Shawn swallowed thickly, his eyes following the motion. As the zipper zoomed downwards, it revealed an enticing trail of smooth creamy skin. She hadn't worn anything underneath, not even a bra. She kept her eyes on his the whole time until she reached the end of the zipper, the jacket coming apart. She let out a shaky breath and rested one knee on either side of him, bringing their bodies unbearably close.

Shawn was positive he'd stopped breathing long ago. All the blood in his brain had stopped. The circulation accumulating in the center between his legs, making his whole body uncomfortably tight. He tried to ignore it. His voice cracking as he spoke softly, "Stephanie..."

"Shh." She whispered, pressing her fingers to his lips, lingering there a moment or two to memorize the feeling of his flesh against her own. She edged in even closer, their bodies touching. He couldn't stifle a groan, her lower body caressing parts of him that were strained at best.

He raised up a hand to push her away but ended up having his fingers brush the underside of her naked breast. His breathing quickened at that. Her flesh was softer than anything he'd ever touched in his life. It was like she was made of velvet. His fingers brushed her nipple and she let out a weak moan as her fingers tangled in his hair. She brought their faces close, her eyes meeting with his.

"Please Shawn, just go with it." She whispered, her nose brushing along his, her breath cascading along his cheek. She turned her head to the side and he found his own involuntarily matching the action. Their lips brushed briefly and the heat of the action shot a bolt through him. He shrank back, "No."

He managed to get his hands up to her shoulders and gently push her back away from him, "No, Stephanie. This is wrong. I've let it gone on too far. I-I should have stopped you sooner in fact, except..."

His words died in his throat but it didn't matter. Stephanie looked mortified. She leapt off of him as if he was on fire, her fingers fumbling with her zipper. Her entire body trembled, as she kept mumbling over and over, "I knew it. I knew it."

Shawn rose to his feet, ignoring the knot in his belly and the tight fist in his jeans, as he walked over to her, trying to calm her down, "You knew what, Stephanie?"

Stephanie continued to struggle with the zipper, sobs beginning to escape, "I knew no one would want me after this. I'm damaged goods!"

"Oh Stephanie, that's not it..."

"THEN WHAT IS!" she snapped, forgetting about the zipper. Her face was scarlet red and tears had begun to squeeze out of her eyes, "What's wrong with me! Why don't you want me! It was because _I was raped_! Wasn't it! WASN'T IT!" she found a few glass items decorating the room and grabbed a few, tossing them against a wall, screaming and cursing. She shoved over a dresser, knocking it to the ground with a loud thud then collapsed to her knees, sobbing. Shawn rushed over to her and despite her feeble protests and gestures, he drew her into his arms.

She cried, hysterical sounds escaping her until she was a slack creature in his embrace. He ran a hand along her hair, loosening his grip as he had been squeezing her tightly. His own eyes were red from having avoided tears. When she could manage to speak she began, each word shaking with tears, "I thought...I just thought that if we had sex...it would all go back to normal. I thought I wouldn't be scared of sex anymore, that you would wipe...wipe the memory of him away. And that I could...I mean what if, after this, I never-never have a relationship with a man again? What if-if no one wants me because of what he did to me?"

"That's not true, honey. People will want you, Stephanie. He hasn't ruined you. You're going to come back from this. You're going to be fine." He reassured her.

She whimpered, "I wanted it to be normal again. So badly...I wanted...I wanted that more than you. More than sex. But it never will be, will it?"

Shawn sighed, "Stephanie, I know I'm not supposed to give you advice but...maybe it's time..."

"You think I should file a report. Go to the police, the-the groups. Talk about it with other people." She whispered, he nodded, she sniffled, "I know I should. Part of me always wanted to but...but doing those things. It means admitting it. Admitting...admitting I was raped. And I always thought...if I don't admit it then-then maybe it never happened and maybe it's not-it's not real. But it was...," she began to cry again, her voice breaking, "He raped me."

He held her close to him, "I know, baby. I'm so, so sorry. I wish it had never happened too. But you have to move on. You have to be strong and brave, like I know you are, and face it. And I'll be with you. The whole way. No matter what."

She sighed, "Thank you. For being with me. I'm sorry I...I tried to seduce you. It was pretty stupid of me."

He felt a half-assed smile take him, "No. It wasn't. You were just confused."

Her voice was timid as she asked, "If...if you didn't turn me down because I was...assaulted. Then why did you..."

"I knew you weren't ready." He answered simply and she sighed, nodding. He held her a long time before they slowly parted and began to clean up her mess. He cast a few looks at her now and then. She had begun to open up, talking about her future plans. She was going to tell her father first. Then the police. She would give them the clothes and even get a sexual assault victim advocate to help her like Dr. Russell had suggested. Then would come the therapy and hopefully afterwards, a full healing. As she spoke, Shawn realized she looked more alive to him then she had since he'd found her. She looked like she had before the incident. All that was missing was a smile.

Once everything was cleaned up, he looked at the clock, and suggested that he had better excuse himself. Stephanie agreed, "You helped me more than you know," she told him, "I knew I needed to see you. Somehow I knew I couldn't move on to the next step without you. I guess it's in that bond we share."

"Probably." He agreed, affixing his shades back in place, "Now remember, my offer still stands, you ever need me again. Like you did today. You just call."

"I will." She promised.

She led him to the door, her eyes casting over her shoulder to look outside the sliding glass doors. It had started raining. She shivered. Shawn looked at the weather and frowned. He took hold of her chin gently and drew her close. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips, then winked, "Don't be afraid, sweetheart. It's only rain."

Stephanie was too stunned by the brief kiss to give a more elaborate answer than, "Okay."

With that Shawn turned and left, rushing out, promising as he left not to be sighted if he could help it. She watched him rush out, then shut the door behind him. She leaned back against her door and pressed a hand to her lips. Then, for the first time in what felt like forever, she smiled.

~Fin~

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That's all for now folks. I have an idea for a sequel in mind but I probably won't do one unless I get feedback. Feed my feedback monster and I promise you more story! Maybe even some guest appearances, such as, *gasp * dare I say it - fan favorite Chris Jericho, himself! Just send up the word and I'll see what I can do.


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